Saturday, December 10, 2005

Swimmin' In Butter or Rollin' In Sandpaper?

Well, I'm going to choose "swimmin' in butter"!

I guess you're wondering - what is this chick talking about?

Back a few years ago, probably about 10 years while hubby and I were living in Nashville, we drove back to our home town and spent the weekend at the in-laws. My mother-in-law's house is just spectacular. You would never know the house was furnished with yard sale and junk store stuff. Not to mention her house is a home. I want to be just like her. She's a fantastic grandmother and was a great mother when her kids were growing up. You just always feel welcome in her home and you just want to kick off your shoes and plop down and take a nap.

During a stay one weekend, hubby and I slept in the master bedroom. Well, I got into that bed and could not believe what I was feeling!! These sheets were soooooo soft, sooooooo smooth - I felt like I was "swimmin' in butter". Since that night, I have been on a quest to find the best sheets I can possibly afford. I mean, please - we spend MOST of our life in bed. We might as well "swim in butter" while we're there!

On the other side of butter, there's "sandpaper". Never again will I buy "sandpaper"! I would rather sleep in the kid's rockbox out back (we don't have a sandbox because I hate sand - ask my neighbor, she will verify. So we have a rockbox). Now, I really, really, really, hate (I'm using the word "hate" here) to shop. But, when it comes to searching for "butter" - I will shop to the ends of the earth for it! The problem is, in order to "swim in butter" you've got to shell out quite a bit of moolah. I'm talkin' at least $300 for a set of king size butters.

Before I finally figured out what to buy and where to buy them, I had several failures. Oh, they were pretty decent, but not "butter". One day, I just happened to be at a store called Tuesday Morning. This was when I worked and had money. I just happened to be in the sheet department and came across what I had long been searching for. My husband was about to freak because I was spending $100 on sheets. But, he knows not to mess with a woman on a quest for something she so desires. Anyway, it was a king set. And we're talkin' butter here - not margarine. BUTTER!

I could not get home fast enough. Oh, with such care I took them out of the package and washed them on the gentle cycle. That night was the beginning of my life "swimmin' in butter" - bye, bye to "rollin' in sandpaper".

This was the ONLY set of butters I had. Oh, I had some that came close, but not close enough. I took these babies off every Sunday and washed them and placed them lovingly back on my bed. When I went into the hospital to give birth to my son, I took my king sized pillow which was drenched in "butter" to the hospital with me. I remember the nurses commenting on my "butter". They could tell the difference in my butter and that cheesy sandpaper I was rollin' in at the hospital.

Well, just this year we lost the fitted butter. I made a horrible mistake of washing these with bleach - a very bad chemical that is no longer in my home. Not because it ruined my butter, but because it is such a dangerous chemical. Remember, I took these off every week and washed them so I guess it was just too much for them. A hole formed on one side. My side, hubby's side - not sure, but it seemed like it was my side - my foot kept getting caught in the hole and eventually it was my leg. Next thing I knew, the whole bottom half of my body was caught in the hole one night. I knew then it was the end of the fitted butter. I can't make myself throw it away. In fact, it's still in the laundry room in a basket because I just know there is something I can do with the rest of the butter around the hole.

Then, I noticed some holes developing in the corners of the pillow cases. One day, my son the jumping bean was doing flips on the indoor trampoline (my king bed) and landed on one of the pillows and the butter just ripped open. I was really losing it after that. I'm telling ya', once you've had butter you can't go back to sandpaper! I thought I would never sleep again!

Well, my sister came to the rescue. I was at her house a while back helping her make her bed and felt her sheets and said "Ooooo, you spent a pretty penny on these" (somehow, I guess she didn't think I new the price of sheets - I may not know the price of much, but I know about butter). She looked at me like "how would you know?" I said, "what did you spend, about $300 or better?" I thought her eyes were going to pop out of her head. "How did you know that?" she says. "I may not know about name brand clothes but I know my butter".

Whatever, my sister got rid of her king bed and gave me her butters!!!! I have been sooo happy. I still have the flat butter from before and one pillow case. These that she gave me are a rust color (I like white - but who cares when they're free and made of butter).

So, if you want to "swim in butter" too and quit "rollin' in sandpaper" but don't want to spend a fortune to do it, go to Tuesday Morning. It's the only place I've found them but it's a chance every time you go. The other thing - always remember the word "Egyptian".

Lastly, before I post a pic from the eyes of my son, I got the swimmin' part of this pet name from the days my sister and I used to share a full sized bed when we were kids. We used to pretend we were diving under water and swimming. We would go under the covers head first and pretend we were swimming around for treasure. The butter part came from a Saturday Night Live episode about Barbara Streisand's legs - they were like "butter".

Okay, enough already. I've got to get to bed. Sunday morning comes early.

I think this is my daughter's nose.


Badoozie said...

cute pic
just how many thread count are these sheets? i might look them up on ebay. i doubt any store here in cowtown has that nice of sheets.

Anne said...

I recently learned it's not as much the thread count as it is the type of fabric. I usually don't like to buy anything below 300 count. It's the word "Egyptian" cotton - it's even better if you have the words "combed" and "sateen". I don't look for particular prints either. As long as it's made of butter, they could be zebra print with purple polka dots.