Sunday, December 11, 2005

Not Sure

I'm not quite sure about what to post on this blog. Whether I should be funny or serious. Talk about my life or other people's lives. But, I'm feeling the need to cry this evening.

Being a woman is tough sometimes. I'm not going to say much about men because I'm not one. But I do know my husband has a huge burden on him to keep this family going. He has to go to work every day to make money to keep this household running. He has to deal with me sometimes calling him in the middle of the day to vent on him because I can't find my car keys. Like it's his fault I can't find them. One day, I called and got attitudy with him because I couldn't find the shop vac in the garage so I could vacuum the van. He had tossed it into the garbage recently because it was a piece of junk. Well, I got mad at him because I didn't have my shop vac to vacuum with right then and there. I called him later in the day (around lunchtime) and he was at Home Depot buying me a new shop vac. Poor guy. Whatever it takes to make me happy. I have since tried to maintain my "self-control" and not do that to him - at least while he's at work. Like he needs to be worrying about what's going on at home while he's at work.

Back to me, because life is all about me you know (sarcasm here). I'm one of those "peacemaker" type of people. I have to make sure everyone is feeling good and happy (hubby is an exception I guess). Lately, I'm so tired of people not even trying to make things good for themselves. I'm tired of people blaming other's for their problems. I'm tired of the whining and complaining. The only way to make things better in our lives and in this world is to do better ourselves.

"Nobody loves me. I want to be where I'm going to be loved." "I want to be in a place that makes ME feel good." Well, so do I. But what purpose does it serve to love those who love us? We have to love those who hate us. We have to love those who we find it hard to love.

There was a certain person in my past who if I had been told he had died I would have laughed. This was the only person in my entire life I felt this way about. I will spare you the details of why but you can venture to guess my experience with this person was not a pleasant one. My feelings have changed over the past few years. I realized that forgiveness was not for that person - it was for me. Whether this person ever decides to make things right or not is not up to me. The only thing I can do is forgive. I thought one day, how would I feel if someone felt this way about one of my children? I can't describe the feeling. I realized this is how our Father feels when we hate or despise His children.

I know this probably doesn't make sense to whoever is reading this but I needed to ramble. I just needed to say, let's stop complaining and/or blaming people for how we "feel". Our feelings change from one point to the next. Let's put ourselves last and lift others up - no matter what the cost to us. I believe that first begins with my man. My job is to lift this man up and help him be the best at who he is. And then to my children - will I give up all that I am to make them the best at who they can be?

My roll model - Proverbs 31:10-22

Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax, And willingly works with her hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships, She brings her food from afar.
15 She also rises while it is yet night, And provides food for her household, And a portion for her maidservants.
16 She considers a field and buys it; From her profits she plants a vineyard.
17 She girds herself with strength, And strengthens her arms.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is good, And her lamp does not go out by night.
19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hand holds the spindle.
20 She extends her hand to the poor, Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
22 She makes tapestry for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies sashes for the merchants.
25 Strength and honor are her clothing; She shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She watches over the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her:
29 "Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all."
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, And let her own works praise her in the gates. NKJV

1 comment:

Badoozie said...

i think a good mix of thoughts, funny and serious is in order. your doing great.

now that proverbs woman. geesh. i could only dream.