Monday, July 16, 2007

Childhood Experience cont.

A few weeks ago while attempting to fall asleep I reflected back to this event in my life that caused a life-long fear. Even at my age of 41 I have certain sleep patterns that I believe stem back to that one particular evening in my childhood.

As I had mentioned, whatever or whoever it was in the rocker had noticed I was watching, got up and proceeded to walk toward my bed - remember, I was on the top bunk. It took a few moments before I reacted and then I quickly shoved my back against the wall to the other side of the bed and completely covered my head. I remember how hot it was under those covers and how frightened I was but too frightened to make a sound. I finally couldn't take it any more and proceeded to make a tiny breathe hole for my mouth. Once I finally got some good air to breathe I fell asleep for a while - not sure how long. When I awoke again I decided to peek out from under the covers. I could see the head of the figure right there next to my bed! Needless to say, I covered back up and stayed that way until morning.

That evening has haunted me my entire life and I have no idea what it was - especially since it was so long ago. But it was enough to cause me great fear all these years. I slept with my head completely covered until I was about 23 years old - about the same time I met HubbaHoney. I also slept with pillows all around me to protect me. I've gotten a lot better at dealing with my fears of the dark though and I am very sensitive to my children's fears of the dark. HubbaDood is way more sensitive to the dark than HubbaDette although she's picked up on her brother's bedtime antics. HubbaDood is more afraid in our own home than anywhere else. He hates to be on either level of our house without someone.

The one thing I have found that helps me especially when I'm the last one to go to bed and I'm walking around the house at night - is prayer. As soon as I feel that fear come over me I pray. I talk to God and praise Him for who He is and amazingly my fears go away.

6 comments:

Aunt Jo said...

you are doing the right thing about those fears annie!

that is a very freaky story

Ba Doozie said...

what did your parents say about that incident?

Emma Sometimes said...

Psalms 91 always helps me, too.

That is a weird story. I understand it, but weird.

R said...

That is frightening.

Have you speculated as to what or who that was?

Good to go to God with your fear.

Anne said...

I don't believe I ever told my parents until I was an adult maybe. I just slept the way I slept - up against the wall fully covered with the breathe hole. I haven't thought too much about who or what anymore. For all I know it could've been my imagination. Any though that's powerful enough can have an affect.

~Jennifer said...

I also struggle with fear at night, and like you, I've found that prayer is the best thing for fighting it. Brain chemistry changes at night, and that leaves some of us vulnerable. Things that wouldn't bother me during the day can seem insurmountable at night. My son is 16 and he still sleeps with the light on. He also does a lot of praying at night.